Still My Call

A plainspoken guide for people living on their own

Decide where you'll live next, before someone else decides for you.

Most moves happen in a hurry: after a fall, in a hospital hallway, or at a family dinner with brochures on the sideboard. Still My Call walks you through every option from staying home to a nursing home, with the money, the papers and the exact words to use with your kids, so the plan is yours.

  • How to keep living at home safely, and what help to bring in first
  • What Medicare and Medicaid really pay for, and what happens to your house
  • Word-for-word scripts for the hospital and for "Mom, it's time"
See what's inside
Cover of Still My Call by Joan Whitaker, showing a silver-haired woman in a beige sweater
95pages
14chapters
12printable worksheets
PDFinstant download
30day refund promise

It rarely starts with a decision

It starts with a Tuesday.

Ruth fell on a Tuesday. She was reaching for a colander on the top shelf, the step stool tipped, and she spent the afternoon on her kitchen floor until the mail carrier heard her through the screen door. By Friday she was in rehab. By the following Thursday her son had signed papers for a room in a care home two states away, near him.

"Nobody knew what she wanted, so I did what I could."

Ruth knew exactly what she wanted: her own kitchen, her own church, her own bridge group. She had simply never written it down, never named who could speak for her, and never told her son what help she'd accept at home before she'd accept a move. So the biggest decision of her life got made in four days, by someone else.

This book exists so that doesn't happen to you.

The stories in the book are composites based on common experiences.

Line drawing of a silver-haired woman writing on a yellow legal pad at her kitchen table at night, a mug of tea beside her
One of the line drawings from the book: the plan starts at the kitchen table, not in a hospital hallway.

Where people lose their say

Four moments that decide where you live.

Each one moves fast. Each one has a chapter that tells you what to do before it happens, and what to say when it does.

Line drawing of a bathroom with grab bars by the toilet and shower and a shower seat

The fall

One bad afternoon can move you up the ladder in a week.

The house fixes that matter first, in order, and a simple daily check-in so someone would notice within a day if anything went wrong.

Chapters 2 and 3

Line drawing of a hospital room with a bed, a chair and a clipboard on the tray table

The hospital clipboard

"We'd like to get you placed by tomorrow."

Your discharge rights, the fast appeal, the observation trap that catches people on rehab bills, and exactly what to say to the social worker.

Chapters 7 and 11

Line drawing of an older woman reading a folder at the table with her adult son and daughter

The Sunday dinner

Your kids, worried, with a plan of their own.

Scripts for the conversation, a family meeting agenda, and an honest check for whether it really is time, based on what you can do, not your birthday.

Chapter 13

Line drawing of a red folder labeled Papers, with reading glasses and keys

The signature

Deeding the house. Signing as "responsible party."

What to check before you sign anything, which papers to have in place, and the questions to bring an elder law attorney first.

Chapters 8, 9 and 12

A sunny front porch with two rocking chairs, a handrail on the steps and pots of red geraniums

Staying home is a plan, not a hope. The book shows you how to make it one.

The idea at the heart of the book

There are five rungs, not two.

Most people picture two choices: home, or a home. That's how they end up in the wrong place. The book walks the whole ladder, and most of the good years happen on the lower three rungs.

For each rung you write your own trigger: a plain sentence that says what would move you up. When someone tells you it's time, you open the folder.

"If I can no longer do my own grocery shopping, I'll hire help two mornings a week."

1Home as isYour house, your routines, a few smart changes
2Home with helpPaid or family help a few hours or days a week
3The in-between optionsAdult day, care programs that come to you, a smaller place
4Assisted livingYour own apartment with meals and daily help
5Nursing homeRound-the-clock nursing care
An older woman's hands filling in a printed worksheet with a yellow pencil

After reading it

What you'll be able to do

Not a pile of brochures. A plan in your own handwriting, with your own numbers, that the people who love you can follow.

  • Run a simple test for living alone safely, and set up a daily check-in that works
  • Fix the parts of the house where people actually get hurt, in the right order
  • Hire help at home and stay the boss of the person in your house
  • Compare the real monthly cost of staying home, assisted living and a nursing home, with your own numbers
  • Know what Medicare covers after a hospital stay, and how to avoid the observation trap
  • Understand, in plain terms, how Medicaid treats your house and gifts to your kids
  • Get the right papers in place so someone you chose can act for you
  • Spot the scam calls and the slow takeovers, and set up safeguards at the bank
  • Judge a care home beyond the tour, and read the contract before anyone signs
  • Hand your kids a written plan, so "it's time" stays your call

What's inside

Fourteen chapters, in the order life tends to happen.

Every chapter opens with a story, settles one decision, and ends with a checklist, a short list of red lines, and a few words for your adult children.

  1. Still My CallWhy to plan now, and the ladder you'll set your own triggers for
  2. Living Alone, ReallyThe hard parts, the good days, and a check-in someone will notice
  3. Making the House Work for YouThe first fixes for falls, room by room
  4. Help at Home, With You as the BossAgency or direct, the interview, and when it isn't working
  5. The Rungs Between Home and a Nursing HomeAdult day, PACE, assisted living, continuing care, the regret test
  6. What It Really CostsEach option side by side, using your own numbers
  7. What Medicare Pays For, and What It Doesn'tRehab, home health, and the everyday-care gap
  8. Medicaid, Your House and Your SavingsThe look-back, the house, and gifts to your kids
  9. The Papers That Keep Your Kids From GuessingPower of attorney, health care proxy, will, the red folder
  10. Who to Trust With Your MoneyScam calls, family who take advantage, bank safeguards
  11. When the Hospital Says You Can't Go HomeDischarge rights, the fast appeal, the first week home
  12. Choosing a Place: Beyond the TourInspection reports, the 7 p.m. visit, the contract
  13. "Mom, It's Time"When it really is time, and how to talk about it
  14. Your Plan, Written DownA few pages you hand to the people who need them
Every red line on one page 12 printable worksheets Sources by chapter
Line drawing of a woman on her front steps with a mug and a phone
Living alone, really
Line drawing of a home helper and an older woman planning on a wall calendar
Help at home, with you as the boss
Line drawing of a house floor plan with numbered spots to fix first
The house fixes that matter first
Line drawing of a wary older woman on the phone at her kitchen table
Who to trust with your money

Look inside

Real pages from the book.

Three pages from the book: the Chapter 1 opening story, a table of national care costs with blank columns for local quotes, and a checklist with a walk-away-if box
A page of word-for-word scripts for talking to a hospital discharge planner
Two printable worksheet pages for hours, tasks, monthly costs and the regret test

Researched, not made up

The stories are illustrations. The facts come from the source.

Every figure and rule in the book comes from a source you can check, listed chapter by chapter at the back. Most are the government's own pages. Rules and dollar amounts change, so the book tells you where to look up the current figure.

Medicare.govMedicaid.govCMSCDCIRSFTCFBICFPBGAOFINRAAdministration for Community Living

Medicare does not cover long-term custodial care unless medical care is needed.

Chapter 7, from Medicare.gov

Medicaid looks back five years at what you gave away before you applied.

Chapter 8, from CMS

A nursing home can't require a family member to personally guarantee payment.

Chapter 12, from the federal nursing home rules

Is it for you?

Who it's for, and who should skip it.

It's for you if

  • You're in your 70s or 80s, living on your own, and want to stay in charge
  • You can feel the "it's time" conversation coming
  • You've just had a fall or a hospital stay and want a plan before the next one
  • You're an adult child who wants to help without taking over
A silver-haired woman and her adult daughter talking over tea at a sunny kitchen table, a folder of papers between them

"Give it before the conversation, not instead of it."

Buying it for a parent?

The kindest thing you can bring to the table is their own plan.

Each chapter ends with a short section written to adult children, and Chapter 13 covers the "it's time" talk from both sides of the table. Read it together, then let your parent write the plan. A parent who has been asked what they want is far easier to help than one who has been told.

Joan Whitaker, a silver-haired woman in a beige sweater and white collar, smiling

Meet Joan

"I have never met a problem that got smaller by not writing it down."

Joan is the voice of this book: plainspoken, warm, a little dry, and unwilling to sign anything she hasn't read. She'll tell you about the week she toured five places in five days, the aide who was lovely and always late, and the Sunday dinner when her kids brought brochures.

Joan Whitaker is a pen name, and the stories in the book are composites based on common experiences. The facts aren't stories: every number and rule comes from the sources listed at the back.

Still My Call

$27
  • The complete book, 95 pages, as a PDF
  • 14 chapters, each with a checklist and red lines
  • 12 printable worksheets that become your written plan
  • Every red line on one page
  • Sources listed chapter by chapter
  • Instant download; read it on a tablet, phone or computer, or print it

If this book doesn't help you, email me within 30 days for a full refund.

Secure checkout and delivery through Gumroad.

Questions

Straight answers.

What exactly do I get?

A 95-page PDF: 14 chapters, a one-page summary of every chapter's red lines, 12 printable worksheets, and a list of sources by chapter. You download it right after checkout.

I'm not great with computers. Will I be able to get it?

After checkout you get an email with a download link. Open it on a computer or tablet, or ask someone to print it for you; the worksheets are made to be filled in with a pencil.

Does it give legal or financial advice for my state?

No. It explains Medicare, Medicaid, the papers and the contracts in general terms, and tells you exactly what to ask an elder law attorney, a tax professional, or your state's Medicare counseling program (SHIP).

Who is Joan Whitaker?

Joan Whitaker is a pen name. The stories in the book are composites based on common experiences. The figures and rules come from government and other reliable sources, listed at the back so you can check them.

Does it cover dementia care or hospice?

No. Dementia is mentioned only as a limit, with a pointer to your doctor, and hospice and end-of-life planning are outside this book.

Can I buy it for my mother or father?

Yes. Buy it, download the PDF, and send it to them or print it. Each chapter has a short section written to adult children.

What if it doesn't help?

If this book doesn't help you, email me within 30 days for a full refund.

A sunny kitchen table with a yellow legal pad, a pencil, reading glasses, a teal mug and a red folder

Write it down while it's still your call.

An afternoon with this book and a pencil, and the next time someone says "it's time," you'll already know your answer.

Still My Call · $27